Microsoft Founder Bill Gates to be Immortalized on Broadway

Ooh La La!
The officially licensed marketing logo for Monopoly!

NEW YORK -- Is there any communications medium left that Bill Gates hasn't conquered?

In a surprise move that has stunned the theater world, songwriter Andrew Lloyd Webber has announced a partnership with producer Cameron Mackintosh to create a new musical based on the life and career of Microsoft CEO Bill Gates.

The play, titled Monopoly!, will follow Gates from his childhood through his short-lived college days at Harvard, culminating in his rise to power in the business world.

"His story is perfect for the stage," said Webber, best known for his work on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Coat, Phantom of the Opera and Cats. "He has the intelligence and vision to dropout of the ivy-league world of Harvard to pursue his true talent - buying new technologies from others and slapping his logo on it."

Webber added that he has already penned several songs, from the opening tune of "Boot up!" to the lighthearted duet "You say assimilate… I say innovate" to the stirring first act closer "I B.M.ed on IBM."

"All of the elements of great drama are there," added Mackintosh, producer of Les Miserables and Miss Saigon. "A man whose skills fall far short of his peers journeys to the top of their field with intuition, chutzpah and overly-aggressive negotiation tactics." "Bill Gates is the living embodiment of the American dream."

"Bill Gates," he added, "is Macbeth with stock options instead of swordplay."

Martin Short and Bernadette Peters: Stars of the upcoming Monopoly!
Marty and Bernie are psyched about their upcoming roles in Monopoly!

Fresh off their Tony Award wins for Best Actor and Best Actress in a musical, Martin Short and Bernadette Peters have been signed to the lead roles of Monopoly! Short will play Gates, while Peters will portray his former business partner Paul Allen.

"I had a wonderful love song already written -- 'I Loved Bill's Brain (But He Crashed My Heart' -- and it was perfect for Bernadette," said Webber, who believes that few in the audience will notice the fictional liberties he has taken. "The plot is quite complicated, but fortunately the set and costumes are very large and shiny."

Monopoly! will open in London's West End for a test run. The musical will premiere on Broadway, Mackintosh said, "as soon as we settle all of Gates' lawsuits."