Fly OS airlines...

If Operating systems were like airlines...

Not that fresh, but it takes you up in the air anyway. What do you want more?..

DOS Air: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, and jump off when it hits the ground. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etc.

Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Windows Airlines: The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it explodes without warning.

OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until mid-1995. Maybe longer.

Fly Windows NT: All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

Unix Express: All passengers bring a piece of the airplane and a box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, the passengers split into groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

Linux Flyways: A recently successful spinoff of Unix Express, this airline will fly you for free. Unfortunately all passengers must know how planes work. In case of a turbine falling apart, no one should be upset as there are still seven others to do the job. Windows Airlines are already concerned about this new carrier flying all the same routes and reaching each destination much faster.

AND FINALLY ...

Air Windows 2000: You've heard about it and there are a few people who have actually flown on it, and they rave about it, but you hate them and secretly wish you could try it too. The company has been promising flights for a year but has yet to start selling tickets.


This gets you back to the warscenes...